this album might not be liked or understood, but this is the most closest and relatable thing i have made.
i think this album might not be liked because of it's edgy-ness, like the lyrics of the songs, or the way i distorted my voice to make it sound weird or stupid to some listener, in their opinion.

here's a story of this album
continuing growing up starting from 2020 has been quite difficult for me, mentally. it mostly has to do with school and my creativity problems, like music block (like art block but music), or not being satisfied with my work or myself at all.
covid also changed me. i never suspected world events like this would happen at any time, yet it happened and was quite an interesting thing to go trough, despite being quite difficult and not fun.
and, of course, the ukraine conflict that made it more difficult to use the internet for me.

anyways, this album was mostly focused on my life issues, like feeling too "different" in a crowd, not being understood, not being satisfied with myself, etc.
i have to say, whenever i listen to this album, i always have a sense of anxiety and a bit of discomfort.
and because i started this album a couple of years ago, it also feels nostalgic, which is also a bit painful to me.
i've never been feeling afraid, if you can call it that, from my own work! its quite interesting, and still scary, haha
i think it has to do with the memories of going through mental issues that really changed who i am.
some tracks like "doesn't matter" or "princess mechanics pt. 1" are really nostalgic, yet a bit scary or painful to listen to, because of remembering what i had gone through in the time of making these beautiful works.

what makes me a tiny bit upset with this album is that every other song comparing with "doesn't matter" and "lonely but lovely" may sound like a rip-off, or not close enough to the vibes of those two songs, as they were the first ever songs to start this entire album project. i hope you don't think about the rest of the songs like that.
to be honest, it's really difficult for me to sing, because i live in the same room as my sister and i feel really shy or unconfident to sing high tonally while she is in the room, even if she's wearing a headset.

if you're confused or dissatisfied from how i distorted my voice for this album, let me tell you why i did that.
first of all, i just like how i sound with that interesting distortion
might sound embarrassing, but i feel cuter with the way i sound with this effect
second of all, i think that makes this whole album unique and new
to me it feels like i'm showing my true form, the form i love more than what i actually am. it sounds more... childish i think?? which is what i probably am - childish!

before i finish off writing, i really really want to thank you so much for reading this story of mine.
every person has their own story of their life difficulties, it's always different for every single human in the world
if you relate to this album, i'm sorry to hear that.
you'll be okay, you're strong enough to go through any challenges you may face!
and if you're not strong enough, that's totally okay! you are human after all.
i wish you luck and happiness in your life, reader
thank you so much for reading this
thank you a lot for listening to this album, or any of my music in general
it makes me feel so happy knowing that someone out there has found good tracks or songs made by me, that make the listener feel at least something.
thank you.

nullie loves you

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